“Can you read that back to me?”

Some of the funniest slips of the tongue, mistatements, and outright mistakes, happen in open court, or during a deposition of a witness, when a lawyer is either unprepared, or trying to get too cute when questioning a witness. I’ve collected excerpts from transcripts over the years that, if nothing else, are just enough to give even the greatest litigator a reason to pause. Here are just a few.


Q. Do you remember everything that happened that night?

A. No, I don’t remember at all.

Q. What part don’t you remember about what happened that night?

*****

Q. You say this woman shot her husband with his pistol at close range.

A. Yes, sir, that’s right.

Q. Any powder marks on his body?

A. Yes, sir, that’s why she shot him.

*****

Q. What is your date of birth?

A. October 1910.

Q. Do you remember the day?

A. No, but I’ve been told about it.

*****

Q. You told her what before the surgery?

A. I said we could probably save the toes, but I don’t know about the foot.

*****

Q. Did the perpetrator have facial hair?

A. Yes. Eyebrows.

*****

Q. Have you ever been accused of taking anything from your employer that you were not entitled to?

A. Do you mean other than my paycheck?

*****

Q. Did you blow your horn or anything?

A. After the accident?

Q. Before the accident.

A. Sure. I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.